She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
