the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Found the puke drawer
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
