I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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