I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
