He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
