Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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