We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
