Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
