I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
