checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Even my vagina gasped.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize