found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just found a bag of teeth...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
