I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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