Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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