Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
