apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
