So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
