Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
