Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
