what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
