I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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