She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
