awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
