So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
