I don't think brook has ever known best
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
