So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
