This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
