Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
