were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
