I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
