After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
