The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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