I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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