That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
