it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
