Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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