So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
