Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am available for nakedness
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
