I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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