i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
