Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
