We won't sleep together?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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