I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
