Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
