wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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