she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
