If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
