my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
