I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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