I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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