life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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