I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
