He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
