what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
